Warning: This is exclusively for adults only.
There is that bading nurse who is very makwento (good in story telling a lie?), and we are always thrilled listening to his stories. One time he made kuwento to us about the story of a certain medical secretary who is a self-confessed virgin. Let us call her miss Medsec; she is very maganda, very sexy daw, maputi as in snow white, and sporting a pair of lovely papaya-like boobs (hmmm baka naman saging). She is very attractive to men being born under the zodiac sign virgo. She can captivate daw any “sinful and not so sinful male” with her tantalizing eyes. While she was pinagkakaguluhan ng mga boys (not men ha?), she was kinaiingitan naman daw ng mga “pangiterns” (hinde masyadong kagandahang nurses) at mga matronang matagal nang nagpapantasya sa mga pogi and machong hospital staff.
The more the “evil inspired” and lusting male hospital staff daw became interested to her when she circulated the news around that she’s “already tired of being a virgin.” She herself disclosed to the tsismosas her interest of looking for a nice guy (that she could trust; or could thrust into her) to love and to whom she “will only surrender her long preserved virginity”. And she wanted daw that guy to be responsible, patient, and gentle when (that time comes) she already made up her mind to spread up her legs waiting for one “swift surgical strike.” Wow, heavy talaga.
Her kuwento is bumenta, and the more every “evil thinking male wanted to have a piece of her… (sabi ng bading meat daw). In short everybody wanted to be the first to do the “surgical strike.” We made tanong to the bading if any surgeon was also interested to her “lusting offer”. Hindi daw siya sigurado.
And one by one she started going on a date with the “hot na hot” hospital staff for compatibility testing daw (Ano iyan, audition for the virgin’s deflowering?). And one by one those who “auditioned” or dated with her came back frustrated. Uber na makaturn-off daw ito. Magastos daw i-date. Ang lakas daw uminom ng ladies drink, daig pa ang mga GRO. Di bale na lang daw na nalugi sila, meaning no ROI (return of investment).
Ngunit ang sobrang kinaiinisan nila, she made kuwento daw about her colorful past with different men. She could vividly recall the exact sizes/measurements of her previous date’s penises. Alam niya kung sino ang mga supot at tule na (circumcised warriors). And what is equally more disgusting too was her kuwento about her dates with middle age men. She made bulgar daw their defects; some could hardly have erection, putok kaagad (premature ejaculation), and others have down “syndrome too”. Tanong namin sa bading ano ang “down syndrome.” Hagalpak sa tawa ang bading, ang ibig daw sabihin noon ay ayaw nang tumuka ang manok ni San Pedro. Di namin gets, tanong uli sa kanya kung ano iyon. Galit na ang bading at pasigaw na sinabing ayaw nang tumayo si manoy, as in dead na, pilay, may rayuma, kulubot na… Cannot be erected and resurrected, what else? Tawanan lang kami.
Serioso naman tayo, here are some tips for “virginal daters” kung ayaw ninyong magaya kay mahal na Beer-gin at mapurnada pa ang inyong kaligayahan. Six Dating Behaviors that Scare Away Single Men-By David Wygant
Here are six dating behaviors guaranteed to scare men off that all women should avoid:
1. Trash-talking your ex. Don’t talk negatively about an ex-boyfriend in front of a guy you’re dating. I don’t care if you’re on your first date or on your 15th date with a guy, don’t ever trash-talk your ex. Your ex is somebody you dated, invited into your life, and with whom you spent a lot of time. So don’t talk negatively about your ex in any way, because what a guy thinks when you do this is that if he ever becomes your ex that you’re going to trash-talk him the same way. So, when a man asks you about your ex, you can politely say, “We are no longer together. It was a great relationship while it lasted, and I learned a lot.” That’s it.
2. Paranoia Runs Rampant. Here you are dating a man you really like, and the first couple of weeks are going well. Then, that first boys’ night out happens. In the beginning, you send him a text that says, “Have a great time tonight!” As the night progresses, however, seeds of doubt start forming in your mind about what he’s doing, and you start to think “Is he cheating on me? Is he flirting with other women? Where is he right now?” So then, you lob another text in to him asking “What’s going on? What are you doing right now?” Even though he tells you he’s just hanging out with his friends, you proceed to make a major blunder:
You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away. So when you are dating a man and he’s out with his friends, respect his “guy time” — it will make you the cool woman he’s always wanted to find.
3. Trash-talking other women. A huge mistake many women make is trash-talking other women in front of the man they’re dating. For example, you are out with him when a woman walks by wearing a skimpy short skirt. You say, “Look how promiscuous that woman looks! I can’t believe she is going around in public like that!” What you are doing when you make comments like this to a guy you’re dating is telling him that you’re not confident in the way you look. It tells him that you don’t love who you are and haven’t embraced your own body. You are planting a seed of doubt in him, causing him to wonder if he he should date someone else who is more confident (and tolerant). Don’t trash-talk other women. It makes you look really insecure.
4. Fishing for compliments. This is something that can drive a man crazy. Here is a typical scenario: The guy you’re dating looks at you and says, “You really look beautiful tonight!” Ten minutes later, you look at him and ask, “How do I look tonight?” Stop fishing for compliments. Real compliments come from the heart. Allow us to compliment you when we really mean it. If we don’t give a compliment at the exact moment you desire it, just accept it and be OK with that.
5. Clingy and possessive. You don’t need to do everything together. You’re still getting to know him. If there are things he likes to do that simply don’t interest you, be cool with it. You don’t have to be joined at the hip. If you are going to a cocktail party together, you don’t have to be next to him at every moment. If you see him speaking with some woman at the party, do not immediately run over and start grabbing his hand and giving him a big hug — and certainly don’t do this all night long. You are being clingy and possessive when you do this.
6. Pushing friends on him. Avoid pushing friends on us too soon. Example: A woman will hang out with a guy on the first or second date and say to him, “You have to meet my friends Jenna and Amy. You also have to meet my friends Phil and Anne; they’re such a great couple, and you’ll love them!” A man hears this and thinks, “I don’t even know you yet. Can I get to know you for a month or two before I have to go meet all of your friends and be put on display as ‘the boyfriend?'” We don’t want to be “the boyfriend” right away. It’s too much pressure. We want to get to know you slowly and learn what you’re all about. Believe me, once we get to know you — and like you — we will be more willing to get to know all of your friends.
Following these tips will help you get past the first month of a new relationship with a man and avoid some of the major pitfalls that can end a new relationship before it even starts. Be the confident woman you really are so we have a chance to embrace you. Don’t scare us off before we have a chance to get to know you!