Hey, Your Vagina is Bigger Than Your Mouth

After six long years of living in America teacher Lucing finally became a US Citizen. Thanks to Mr. Black who fell in love with her the first time they met in a Filipino Community Center in Seattle. They never had a child that’s why Mr. Black planned to divorce her so he could marry a much younger Filipina (probably a virgin) whom he met recently in Las Vegas. Anyway that does not affect even a little teacher Lucing (a former public school teacher) as there’s nothing she could be proud of to her ex-husband except his very big penis. But not even this one made teacher Lucing happy for being with him the past six years. In fact she wants it deleted in her memories.

Why, she had much of it already. She could no longer endure even a minute allowing her ex-husband penis to land on her vagina (which she always complained warak na warak). What a painful way to get a green card and later on becomes a US Citizen? That’s why teacher Lucing was so enthusiastic about coming home for a long vacation; first to have a vaginal repair so she can be like a virgin again. After that she wanted to meet Mr. Camacho, her former boyfriend for 10 years, and scout the possibility of reconciling with him after she left him to fulfill her American dream.

Mr. Camacho is still an able bachelor about sixty years old, but can still brag about erection, and also planning to retire from teaching in order to run as a councilor in his hometown.

Actually Mr. Camacho still loves teacher Lucing. He had been praying for long that her husband (Blackie) would die/divorce her so that she could come back to his arms again. O gracious heaven, how he longs for those tiny but nimble fingers of teacher Lucing playing with his testicles. Yes, only teacher Lucing has those sensual lips and tongue that could make his small but terrible penis look like one sweet and expensive lollipop.

As teacher Lucing emerged from the NAIAS exit, Mr. Camacho could not hide his joy and excitement. He could not believe it, it’s still the same pretty and sexy Lucing whom he met at the airport. As they met they tightly embraced and kissed each other as though they’re going down the bed for a 6 A.M. sex.

“Together again,” that’s there theme song in high school. Even when they became teachers, still they love to sing the same song in many of the gatherings they were asked to render a duet. Unfortunately, though they seem to be sweet and truly in love to each other, they had never been that ideal couple. They always quarreled anywhere they were. They didn’t care if there were teachers or students listening or watching them. At the height of their anger they could utter the dirtiest words against each other.

By the way it’s Mr. Camacho’s statement against teacher Lucing which triggered her interest to abandon him and go to America. They had a heated verbal engagement once over a lost Seiko watch which was Mr. Camacho’s gave to teacher Lucing as a Christmas gift. They could have been married that year should Mr. Camacho did not say this to teacher Lucing: “Your vagina is bigger than your mouth!” Similarly teacher Lucing should have been Mrs. Camacho now (not one Mrs. Black) had she not said out of anger to him, “your penis is as small as your brain.”

And now that they have reconciled they promised to each other not to quarrel in public and say dirty words against each other. Actually even if they quarreled before it didn’t take a day they’re okay again. That’s how much they love each other minus their pride.

“So, what’s your plan now Em (short for Emmanuel)?

“Me, I’m now retiring and leave teaching for politics.”

“Are you crazy?”

“No, I’m not. I’m running for councilor in my hometown.”Teacher Lucing laughed so hard. “You shared all your dreams to me except your plan to enter politics.”

“Lucing, I just thought of it only when you left me and married another Mr. Black.”

“Oh yes, for seven years you’ve probably shrank your brain to the proportion of your penis,” teacher Lucing whispered him.

“What? Here we are again. Don’t tell me your vagina has swollen larger than your mouth?” Mr. Camacho complained.

Teacher Lucing laughed so hard to the extent of coughing, Mr. Camacho soon was laughing too with her.

Teacher Lucing quickly brought out a signed check from her bag.

“Take it and write any amount you think is more than enough to win as a councilor. I’m supporting you.”

“Thank you…”

“Thank you lang? No way, you have to marry me.”

“Bakit makipot na ba si bebeng (is your vagina already tight?)

“Gago, naghanap ka pa (what’s the use idiot).

Mr. Camacho suddenly grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and to her breasts.

As teacher Lucing grabbed his erected penis Mr. Camacho whispered her, “Lucing, will you marry me?”

“Yes Em, with all of my heart and money.” This time her nimble fingers began playing again with his testicles as it used to be.

“Ay, basag na! (Oh no, they’re already broken)

Laughter, laughter, laughter.