Posted by: Mer Pints | August 14, 2008

Kimuchi as the First Lady of the Philippines (Orgasm, it’s all for orgasm gentlemen…)

She was a former Japayuki married to a charismatic political genius who in turn became the President of the Philippines. She is not however the only wife since Mr. President is a convert to Islam and now a practicing Muslim.


This made Mr. President a popular and well loved man in the Philippine society because he was able to bring Christians and Muslims together into a unified and productive co-existence. Nobody ever thought this could be possible. But there is that lasting peace now in Mindanao as a proof, no Philippine territory was compromised, the form of government is still presidential, and the country has never been this progressive before.


Thanks for being a no-nonsense president, sincere and respectable; he was so well loved by his people.


While she remained a Christian the high society matrons, religious people, businessmen and professionals are wondering what the president had eaten for her to be selected among his highly educated and well bred wives to be the country’s first lady. Perhaps Mr. President has his own reasons which only the depth of his wisdom could fathom. But the ordinary man on the street knows it by heart; Kimuchi is a loving down-to-earth person without pretense. She sets a good example of simplicity and frugality in life being an Ilocana. She wears locally manufactured shoes, jewelries made out of sea shells and inexpensive metals. Her favorite necklace is made out of ipil-ipil seeds. She has the largest rosary in the country made out of avocado seeds.


When Mr. President admonished the people to economize, Kimuchi showed it to the people how. Instead of wearing an expensive gown designed and sewn by famous couturiers of the land, she wears a miniskirt out of recycled gowns purchased from the ukay-ukay. Not to compromise the dignity of her husband being the most powerful person in the country, she wears a pair of long socks that covers her seductive legs. Her fashion statement shocked the whole world but soon teenagers adopted it, the entertainment world found it awesome and fashionable, and not to be outdone wives of world famous leaders started wearing mini-skits with matching basketball socks in state dinners.


Soon Kimuchi became famous around the world in the same manner that the former first lady who captivated the whole world by her charisma and wearing of elegant gowns and expensive jewelries. The only difference, this first lady is a world’s symbol of simplicity in beauty—contented with recycled gowns, fancy jewelries, and second hand cellular phones. Instead of going to theatres and partying in luxury hotels, she spent most of her time in tree planting, helping build habitat for humanity, visiting people affected with aids, etc.


If she was not traveling abroad, for diplomatic missions, she went around the country visiting farmers, former NPAs, former Muslim rebels, farmers, fisherfolks, and even dine with rice and sardines with the Lumads and upland people. Newsmen here and abroad loved to cover her social engagements for their magazines and newspapers.


World leaders and diplomats also love to join her in long social conversations. They love to hear her say: “orgasm, it’s orgasm gentlemen.” And they always roared in laughter and amusement. Soon Mr. President started sending her to difficult diplomatic missions abroad and come home usually with positive results. So, came the famous household line, “what Kimuchi wants, Kimuchi gets…all because of orgasm, yes, it’s all for orgasm gentlemen.”


Like the former first Lady Imelda, Kimuchi is Mr. President’s secret weapon in politics. People flocked to her like she is no royalty but a superstar. Her words were are so kind and full of wisdom and compassion. Her heart could bleed in pain upon seeing human sufferings due to poverty, ignorance, and lack of opportunities. For the sake of her people, she used her popularity and international connections to put up centers, hospitals, and institutions to develop the poor socially and economically and become a contributing unit of the society. Soon a popular foundation for the poor was established under her name, Kimuchi Foundation for the Crucified (KFC).


Her sense of justice and fairness remained unmatched. Even the few critics of the President at times can’t help but admire this woman. She herself asked the Mayor of the City of Manila to allow everyone to hold political and religious rallies in Mendiola. No policeman was there to stop them, not even the secret service people from ISAFP were allowed to monitor political figures joining the rallies. You can say whatever you want for as long as it is within the bounds of law. She even provided them with water and sun visors for their convenience. More open than not, political rallies praised the President; it became a venue to bring out issues and problems for him and his cabinet to resolve. The President listened and Kimuchi figured out solutions for the cabinet people to consider.


Politically and economically the Philippines had far advanced; from a struggling economy to a newly developed nation in Asia. Beggars are no longer found in the streets of Manila, squatters along the Pasig river banks had been given permanent and decent houses made out of recycled plastic materials. Criminality went down to 1 percent annually according to the Social Weather Station. People paid their taxes, businessmen obliged their peers to pay taxes on time. The billions of dollars of Philippines foreign debt had dramatically reduced to only 10% remaining balance.


But six years is too short for a good president. Kimuchi’s social legacy would soon vanish on earth when the new administration shall be installed in power. But what is important Japayukis, Filipina maids, Filipino migrant workers and professionals gained respect from the international community. Thanks to Kimuchi’s setting up a good example of a reformed and truly patriotic citizen.



  1. Sumaya na ng husto sa pagbabalik ni Cocoy.Naging artista na si Yhen,panay na ang miting de abansi ni kapitan.Matutupad na rin ang mga pangarap ko na maging role model ng mga japayuki,magiging fashionista capital of the world na ang Philippines.Hindi na magiging United States of the Philippines.Philippines na ang mag-iimport ng mga super maids galing sa middle east.Mag do doctor na ang mga nars.Magiging legal na rin ang pagpapakasal ng mga bakla sa tomboy.Si freddie Aguilar na ang magiging National hero kung payag siyang pabaril muna sa Luneta.Ay Anak magsumikap ka.

    May nakikita na akong pag-asa,nangungumpanya na si Tongue at pati si Ellen,magsisimba na ang mga muslim sa Manila Cathedral.

  2. Idol okay ba, hehehehe.

  3. Mer Ang galing -galing gusto ko tuloy mag giling-giling.HIHIHIHIHIH>

  4. Mer

    I would like to congratulate you for posting this topic. The story, although a figment of your imagination, is full of hope and of things we would like to see our beloved country to be. It evokes our aspiration as a people for a better governance and speaks fluently of what kind of first couple of the land we would like to see one day, isang araw. As the FPJ’s version of Doon Lang reverberates, in a fleeting moment we would like to think that sana hindi sa panaginip lang ang lahat.

  5. I would like to expand this topic on the wider perspective of our dreams. There is this question of, shall we just dream or we shall also be a doer? Is it best to be a dreamer or is it best to be a doer?

    Actually, it is helpful to be both. In all great creations, the idealistic exists with the pragmatic in elegant proportions. A dream is of little value unless we put action into it, and action won’t get us very far unless there is meaningful purpose behind it.

  6. Allow ourself to dream grand, magnificent dreams that express the deepest essence of who we are. Then let those dreams pull us steadily through the practical, nuts-and-bolts work of making them real.

    Work through each day with diligence and persistence, doing what there is to be done. And as we do, stay close to the dreamer that always lives within us.

  7. As a dreamer, we can envision a world and a life with no limits. As a doer, we can focus on something that has never existed before and make it real.

    Let our most treasured dreams focus our actions and let our actions express our dreams. Be both a dreamer and a doer, and dive deeply into the multifaceted treasure that is our life.

  8. I am running for President for a few reasons. One of the main reasons I am running is because I can not drive in Metro Manila,I figured it out if I become president someone will drive for me.The Kotong Cop will not stop me for carrying number 1 license plate on my limousine made by prisoners. I have been telling people for years that I am going to run in marathon so I am. I would also like to see if I could change some of how things are done in our political system. I feel that our system is stagnated. I think that it is time for someone of a different background that usual to be elected President.Zambalenong Ilocano. It does not have to be me, but that would be nice if it’s me. I can not remember in my lifetime having a President that was not already wealthy when elected. Not that money buys the office as I have seen some very wealthy people run and loose. I just do not think that the majority of the people of the country are being properly represented. I am also running for the office of President because it is my understanding the job comes with a pension. That is something that is hard to come by these days.

  9. I am not very politically minded person compared to my Ninong who always run for Mayor,Governor,Congressman and oftentimes lost. He finally became barrio captain and died. I grew-up in a smog free environment and did not really pay attention to who was voted in until I graduated high school with honor and Macoy was the president.I joined the ROTC. I have kept my pants zipped as squad leader, but I have voted for the best cadet after I spent a lot of money buying snacks and drinks for the entire platoon then I realized a feeling of being a boss.That’s my political experience.”If I can make my platoon happy, why not the whole army?”

  10. A politician will do anything to keep his/her job- even become kurakot. While no president can fix all the problems we have today that Gloria created, The next President we must elect should have moral character and be that leadership by example. So all those candidates might have missed a drill here and there. Maybe,my credential is par excellence.I have 89% average in moral guidance during high school because i never missed mass,it boost my average by dropping a large amount on offertory box.

  11. We all have our opinions and ideas but no one has all the answers. I give Gloria the credit for standing up against all the world leaders on her high hell shoes and still she’s a midget. As for duty to her country … she’s doing it this very day,stealing money, If Patil need a target practice for his sumpit,it would be in the ass of the president.

    The basis for my platform is truth and honesty to all the girls I’ve love. This is something that I feel has been missing in our political system for too long. Without truth and honesty I have no woman to play horsie.

  12. Mga tito, bravo, bravo…. tuloy pa rin ang laban. Manginig na kayo diyan sabi ni Kap sa mga kalaban, hehehehe.

  13. abay full force na talaga ito. justice league na ang labanan!!!

    labanan ang kahirapan!
    labanan ang kalokohan!
    labanan ang kotongan!
    labanan ang walang pinaglalaban!


    kakasa ka pa ba?

  14. Hahaha! Si Kimuchi first lady.Marami ang magsilabasan.Great writing Colegiala girl.
    Nagkaroon na tayo ng Magnificent Sex,este Magnificent Six pala sa cyber space.
    Magnificent Sex sa blog ay ang mga sumusunod;
    Cocoy’s Delight
    Colegiala Girl
    Kidlatan Village

    Talaga naman na magagaling kayo at nakakaaliw basahin ang mga isinusulat ninyo.

  15. Salamat sa mga comments po ninyo, feel na feel natin lahat na sa mga darating na araw nasa Luneta na tayo para samahan si President Cocoy sa kanyang inaugural speech, hehehehe. Mabuhay!

  16. Kung magiging first lady si Kimuchi may lagi siyang binabalik-balikan sa Barangay Kidlatan. Iyan ay ang kanyang regalong panty na nakasabit sa hall of fame ng aming Barangay Hall. Laging nasa kanyang listahan ang aming mga hinaing at lagi niya kaming dadalawin para bigyan ng inspirasyon na magusumikap sa buhay at saka umunlad.

  17. uy pwede naman amend constitution pra ma extend reign ni kimuchi 🙂 whatdya think?

  18. Puwedi iyan ate kung kasing kapal ni Kuwan si Mr.President, pero manipis po ang pisngi ng ating ideal President kaya hanggang doon na lang po ang term ni First lady Kimuchi. Pero kung papalitan nila ang constitution kagaya ngayan forever in throne na po si Mr. President at si first lady Kimuchi, hehehe. Ito po ngayon ang isyu na nababasa sa mga pahayagan at napapanood sa TV news. Charter change para maextend ang term na aking lola hehehe.

  19. Somebody handed me a pamphlet about Presidentiable Cocoy. The opening statement explains why he’s running for President:

    I need to do something concrete. I need to let others know that ordinary citizens like me do not remain lukewarm to issues that would later affect me and my children. I want to make it known that there are also Filipinos who dream of something better for the Philippines. I want them to know that my country is not filled with scalawags and crooks in every corner, and that there are citizens left who believe in decency, fairness, a right to speak, a right to voice out ideas, a right to tell the people we have trusted to lead us that they have abused their power and that it is time for them to step down. I refuse to let this country go to hell because it is the only country I call mine and it is my responsibility to make sure I have done what I could for it.

    Samahan po ninyo ako. I need volunteers. Please visit my headquarter is at Cocoy’s Delight and register your support. Maraming salamat po.

  20. Mga Kababayan atin pong suportahan ang tanging pag-asa ng bayan, Cocoy’s Delight for President!

  21. Habang nagluluksa ang ang mga nakatira sa Palasyo ng Reynang nasa tabing ilog, panay naman ang ikot ng mga kolehiyala sa mga Unibersidad habang sinasabayan sila ng mga cute at guwaping na estudyante mula sa ibat-ibang paaralan na nagsasaya na tila nakaamoy na ng bagong pag-asa sa darating na umaga. Nagdeklara na rin ang samahan nina Colegiala Girl ng national day of rejoicing kasama ang kanyang mga sisters sa kumbento, mga street children, mga street vendors, mga magbobote at magdidiaryo, mga magbabalot na inaaboso ng mga lasing, at mga urban poor na ngayon ay handa nang ipaglaban ang kanilang karapatan pagkatapos magising sa matagal nilang pagkahimbing.

    Sa Luneta, oo doon sa Luneta sila nagpunta kasama si Mayor Lim. Dito nila ipinagdiwang ang pagbabago ng isip ng mga Senador at Congressmen upang sa tronong inodoro na lang ilukluk ang panukalang pagbabago ng Saligang Batas.

    Bisita doon si Kumander pipi na siyang nanguna sa pagawi ng Bayan ko at pagkatapos non ay umaatikabong sayawan na. May sumayaw ng pandanggo sa ilaw, may madreng nagtinikling na halos matapakan na nila ang laylayan ng kanilang mga uniporming pangkumbento, tumula si kapitan na diehard supporter ng CD at sinabing walang katutuhanan ang mga paratang ni Tang tarang tang tang. Umawit din si Yhen ng Amazing grace at lahat ng mga nagngangalan ng grace ay naiyak sa natamong grasya ng pagbabago. Mga urban poor ay nagpakita rin ng gilas sa pagsayaw naman nila, at pag-awit ng rap. Kahit umuulan noon dahil nag-rain seeding ang mga inutusang piloto sakay ng kanilang kalawanging eroplano ng PAF hindi pa rin umaalis ang mga tao. Ni hindi inalintana ang ginaw nang mga kolehiyalang nagsusumiksik sa mga guwapong binata.

    Dahil sa laki ng mga taong dumalo, sinamantala naman ito ng mga pulitiko upang maghugas kamay sa matagal na nilang pagpapagamit sa reynang pinagsilbihan. Muha sa batya ng mga labandera na nagrally noon sa EDSA dito naghugas kamay ang mga bagong Pilato nang bayan. Dahil patapos na ang takdang oras na siyang ibinigay ni Vice Mayor Isko, tinapos na ang programa sa maiksing pananalita ni Mayor Lim na nagsabi daw ng Thank You, Come Again to Manila.

  22. Mer,
    Habang nasa Luneta kayo,kami naman ay dito sa bayan ng Tinigasan.Kaya tinawag na tinigasan ang bayang ito dahil pinamumugaran ng mga siga.Lahat ng kalalakihan dito ay may mga tatoo.Mayroon nga akong nakausap na nagpatato ng “In God We Trust” sa kanyang noo,ipinatato raw niya para malaman ng mamamayan dito na nagbalik loob na siya sa Diyos ng napaliwanagan siya ni doc.bobonyo tungkol sa aral ng Diyos.

    Nagbigay ng libreng tuli si doc,at pinapila niya ang mga kalalakihan nahirapan siya sa isang mama dahil hindi umobra ang labaha at jungle bolo ang ginamit,pinagpawisan na si doc at naisip niya para raw mapabilis dahil marami pang nakapila ay mag burlis na raw ako kaya medyo napabilis ang pagtutuli niya dahil tinigasan silang lahat.Kinapos ng mertayulit at pinag dive na lang sila sa batya.

    Maraming tao ang naipon dahil may libreng cine na panonoorin nila.Binotleg namin ang caregiver na padala ni Joeseg sa computer.Natuwa silang lahat at gusto na raw nilang mag-aral ng care giver para maka pag abroad.Nagbigay din kami ng libreng tsinilas para sa mga bata na ginaya kay Korina.Dahil na rin siguro na dito sa bayang ito ang pagawaan ng bata ay nagseminar na rin kami sa kanila ng family planning.Tamang paraan ng pagda dyakul.

    Ang mga matatanda ay pinasigarilyo namin ng Bataan Matamis na bigay ni Ate Chi.Nagpakain na rin kami ng luto ni kutsara na sinakal na manok at ginamitan nila ng tinidor sa paghigop ng soup no,5 ni Artsee.

    Hinahanap nila ang magiting natin kandidato at sana raw ay matuloy na ang erection dahil kung hindi ay kukulamin na nila si Arroyo.Habang inaatake ni Mang Greg ang mga galamay ng kurakot na presidenti ay pumalakpak ang lahat ng libre,Not once,not twice,not trice but many many times sabay sigaw ng Cocoy is my Guy.Panalo dahil lahat ng tao sa bayang ito ay solidong bumoto kay Trillanes noong nakaraang election.

    Tutuloy kami sa bayan ng Pinagdyakulan pagkatapos dito doon kami mangungumpanya at ibabalita ko sa iyo.

  23. Hahahahahahaha! Ang galing galing talaga ninyo,nakakalimutan ko na tuloy sipingan ang kumander ko dahil sa mga nakakaaliw na pangungusap ninyo.

  24. Kasalanan ninyo ito,hindi na ako makahabi sa computer dito sa bahay,pumipila na ako para makagamit.Lalo na ngayon na nagsanib ng ng pwersa ang magagaling na manunulat ang Magnificent Sex.

  25. Habang nagpapamudmud sa Bayan ng tigasan si Kimuchi ng gold coin mula kay artsee, sinamantala naman naming mga taga Kidlatan ang nagpunta sa Bayan ng Balimbing, dahil gusto naming makuha ang suporta ng mga dating supporters ng reyna na ngayon dahil sa naamoy na ang tagumpay ni Cocoy’s Delight ay may balak nang kumampi sa partidon CD.

    At least hindi rin kami nawawalan ng mga pangakit sa tao dahil sumama na rin sa amin si Britney, tinanggal na ang kanyang panty at handang magbold show kung sakasakali. Dahil si Banong ay laging lango sa alak magmula ng binasted siya nina Colegiala at Yhen, iniwanan na namin sa Barangay Hall kasama ang isang banig na aspirin baka sakaling kakailangin niya ito kapag may hang-over na nararamdaman pa rin.

    Sumayaw ang mga maglalatik na tanod habang hawak ko ang lahat ng kanilang mga batuta. Palakpakan ang mga tao dahil may tanod na hindi na bao ng niyog ang kanyang pinupukpuk kundi ang kanyang dalawang itlog. Kung dati si Mayor nila ay patago-tago ngayon ay lumantad na at tawa siya ng taw habang nginangatngat ang Bataan Matamis na regalo ni manang Chi.

    Dahil naman sa nakasama namin si Kumander pipi at yhen, nagduet silang dalawa ng awiting Maala-ala mo Kaya na sinasaliwan ng gitaristang putol ang isang daliri ka kapi-finger sa flower shop ng kanyang darling. Dito naiyak si Mayor dahil maala-ala pa niya nang maiwanan niya ang isang supot na pera na inabot noon ng di kilalang staff sa Malacanang dahil sa pagmamadaling pumunta sa kubeta at malapit nang tumulo ang dyingel niya.

    At dahil sa nagaalangan pa sila noon na magpahayag ng suporta kay Cocoy Delight, sinenyasan ko si Britney upang siya na ang umapila. Dala ang isang may sinding kandila, nagrequest siya ng isang tugtugin mula kay Kenny G, at nang magkalights off tinanggal na ang kanyang damit. Dito tumambad sa madla ang kanyang dalawang mabibilog na papaya at ang kanyang hiyas na natatakpan naman ng kandila.

    Walang kaano ano ay sumigaw na ang mga tao:

    Cocoy, Cocoy, Cocoy is my Guy!

  26. haha! okay na okay itong kuwento mo. Malawak ang iyong imahinasyon at magaling kang humabi ng kuwento. Pati si FL Kimuchi, nakaka-aliw ang kanyang mga dagdag kuwento.

  27. Salamat Amor, ito na lang ang tanging nagagawa natin habang nagkakagulo ang ating mga pulitiko, hehehehe.

  28. College girl,
    Medyo masakit pa ang mga kamao ko ngayon ng napalaban tayo sa Posporo Gang ni Candido Palito.Hindi ko na hihiwalayan si Manong at ako na ang mag volunter na chief security niya kahit saan siya magpunta,mahirap na baka mamaya mga lighter gang na naman ng mga pidalista ng tricycle ang ipapadala ng kalaban.

  29. Humanda ka kutsara, mapapalaban pa tayo uli sa mga pidal bisekleta boys, lighter gangs, at sunog baga. Ngayon at nalaman nila na bumalik na sa Amerika iyong Apatche helicopter ni artsee at kasama niyang Goldwater security guards, muling aataki ang mga iyan. Nagpagawa na ako ng maraming giant kwitis sa Bulacan na panlaban at saka humiram na rin ako ng escopeta ng mga Olympians sa China.

  30. Ay salamat manong kutsara and Kap, dahil lagi kayong handa para ipagtanggol ang ating president to be na si Cocoy’s Delight, hehehe. Kuya kawawa naman iyang kamao mo, sabagay nasapok mo si ponggok doon sa ating rumble sa mga posporo boys… Bawing-bawi ka na hehehe.

  31. Si Ilocana ko ay iipunin daw niya ang mga kabagis niyang mga dating amazona at mag training daw sila ng watusi at pagsasampalin nila ng mga slipper ang magtangka pang mangulo sa miting di abanse kapag magsasayaw na ang mga nakabikining japayuki na kinontak ni Kimuchi.

  32. Great, great idea kuya kutsara. Ngayon at namumuro na tayo kailangang magkaisa nang di tayo ginugulo ng mga kalabang partido, hehehe.

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